Just trust...

Just a quick update to let you know the kids and I are doing as good as can be expected considering it is mid-February and all four of us have cabin fever really bad. That equates to short tempers, little patience and a lot of time outs. Overall, the kids seem to have had a rough couple of weeks since my last post. In addition to being sick of this weather, I think they are all three experiencing some of the anger/depressed stages of grief. Matthew seems to be a lot more agitated lately even while at school. Megan is whining like a two year old. And yesterday Hannah was over at one of our friend's house and walked up to a complete stranger (a guy who lives next door them) and reached up to get him to pick her up and hold her. But luckily, nothing too extreme that I can't handle. I just keep trying to comfort them and listen if they feel like sharing with me. Sometimes it works, other times not so much.

This weekend I am headed out of town to visit a college friend who lives in Baltimore. I am flying with another friend and the three of us are very excited to visit with one another without kids. It will be my first trip away from Matthew, Megan and Hannah since Chris died and I have to admit that I am nervous. As much as I like to convince myself that nothing bad will happen to me or them, I can't help but worry. I have done everything I possibly can to ensure that they are taken care of in the RARE event something goes wrong. I just hate that this is what my life has become...living in fear of my kid's becoming orphans. Yesterday was really bad but then I had a God moment when I had to read the assigned chapter for my mom's bible study at St. Marys. The book is on Mother Teresa and the chapter title was "Trust in God's Providence". I read: The irony of trust is that if we trust only in our own intelligence, strength, and personality, we will fail. To place our trust in such things leads to frustration and despair. We cannot be totally free until we live in trust in God. Then we can afford to live even in poverty, as the poorest of the poor, having nothing, clinging to nothing, for we possess all that we really want.

"One thing Jesus asks of me: that I lean on him; that in him and only in him I put complete trust; that I surrender to him unreservedly." - Mother Teresa