Hard to believe....

It has been six months today that Chris collapsed and died suddenly from an undetected aortic aneurysm. Six months. Unbelievable. Some days I feel like it has already been so long and on others it's as if it just happened yesterday. I know it has been a while since my last post and I apologize for that.

So what to share? How much is too much information? I worry about getting too personal, but then remember that a lot of what I am blogging is to someday share with Matthew, Megan and Hannah in hopes to help them through future difficulties of growing up without Daddy here. So if you choose to continue reading, please follow these two "rules": 1) Please don't judge me. This is my story, my reality, and what is and isn't working for me and me only. And 2) As I learned in my mid-twenties when I went to Al-anon for awhile - "take what you like and leave the rest."

The truth is the past two months have been very difficult. Not that any of this has been a joy ride, but for some reason these past few months have really been hard. So why? We had a very nice vacation out to North Carolina and I really enjoyed being with the Weiers and my dad at the ocean. The ocean has a very serene, peaceful presence and many days I just sat outside watching the waves and listening to the sound of the water. It was very relaxing. But like everything else right now, it was bittersweet. We all needed to get away but found it still hard to be there without Chris. Death doesn't take vacations.

I got back from our trip and noticed something was different. To be brutally honest I found myself starting to lean on some not-so-healthy coping mechanisms. For the first time in my life I noticed that I was consumed by the thoughts of drinking. I have always been a social drinker but noticed that now I was watching the clock for the time when it would be okay for me to have a glass of wine or beer just to "take the edge off." And it was only 9 o'clock in the morning! Since I am pretty sure the definition of social drinking does not include with three kids under the age of seven drinking Juicy Juice, it was starting to became clear to me that I was drinking for pain relief and not to be social. I spoke to someone that I have a tremendous amount of respect for and he gently suggested that since my family has a long history of alcoholism, I might want to take a break from drinking and try to come up with some better alternatives for dealing with things.

So how to find some healthy ways to cope with the pain of loss. Here I thought I was doing everything right by seeing a grief counselor and going to weekly group meetings. I had the kids enrolled in a Rainbows program and we had read books on grief, had talked with each other about Daddy and how we felt. I was surrounded by the most amazing family and friends who continue to support me and the kids in every way possible. I was even starting to get used to the idea of being a single parent and head of household. I was making progress on taking over all the things Chris used to handle for us as a family, as well as the stuff I needed to do to settle his estate and the "business of dying". I was actually surprised to find out how helpful my prior life in Corporate America was. Yet one more way that accounting degree from Notre Dame has paid off!

And I had God. For those that don't know, Chris and I had both gone through a Christ Renews His Parish weekend in the Spring of 2008 that had completely changed our lives and renewed our relationship with Christ and our parish, St. Mary's. My faith is a huge part of my life and I have come depend on it as much as I am dependent on the love and support of my family and friends.

So why was the pain getting harder and not easier to deal with? I came up with several possible reasons. The first was that I was entering the "depression" phase of grief. Supposedly the stages are shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, acceptance. As I mentioned in a prior post, the numbness during the shock phase has wore off and everything I feel is really physically painful right now. My friend used the word "raw" to describe it. In the first few months the pain seemed to come and go with some breaks in between. But now it seems to be none stop.

I miss Chris all the time. I miss more than just my husband, my best friend, the father of my children...I miss Chris and everything about him. I miss his smile, his laugh, his sense of humor, his intelligence, his strength, his comfort, his security, his snoring, his piles of clutter, his clothes on the floor next to the hamper, his cooking, his way of making me coffee every morning, his calling me from the grocery store and saying "question for you" when I answered, his coming through the door at the end of the work day and saying "Well, hello!", his knowledge of just about everything you never cared to know, heck I even miss his driving! I could go on and on.

Second, after vacation I was faced with the dreaded holidays that everyone kept telling me are really hard after you lose someone close to you. Only I had more than just Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years to get through. I also had my 10 year wedding anniversary and my 40th birthday thrown in there. So just when I got through one "first" I barely catch my breath before having to face the next one. Again, it is just non-stop right now.

So I kept hearing the words "slow down and be still" in my head. And that is what I am trying to do. Even though I thought I was doing everything right since Chris died, I forgot to really slow down and take care of me. Luckily a lot of things I was involved in with the kids and at St. Mary were wrapping up and I found a lot of my days and evenings were not as busy as they were when school first started. Instead of filling that free time up, I have kept it open. Now I find myself at home more with the kids just being together. Just being in the reality of what our new family looks like with just the four of us.

I also have started going to bed earlier and trying to get more sleep. It is amazing what a good nights sleep can do for you! I am a much better mommy. I have even started laying down with Hannah during her nap just to recharge before the dreaded bewitching hour after school when all hell seems to break loose! And I have started running again. Yikes! It has been a really long time since I ran. I think the last time was when I lived in New York after college. Only this time, I am not running to get a break from my problems and to do's. I actually believe I am running with Chris(t). I listen to his iPod with all the Christian rock music that he and I finally found a common interest in listening too. Third Day, Jeremy Camp, The Fray are some of our favorites. It is our time to be together and I can honestly say that I feel a strength I have never had before when I used to run.

The best part of my slower paced lifestyle is sitting by the fire in my family room. I sit by the fire early in the morning before the kids wake up and again at night before going to bed. I just try to be still. This may not seem like a big deal, but my parents and brothers and sisters all chipped in and surprised me with a gas log in my fireplace for my birthday. Chris and I had never gotten around to getting one and I had forgotten just how much I enjoyed it growing up. We always had a fire in our fireplace back in Des Moines. It was so warm and comforting. It still is. It is EXACTLY what I needed right now and I am so grateful to my family for thinking of me and still trying to take good care of me.

All this to come to my amazing revelation that happened today on the six month anniversary of Chris' death...embrace the pain. Don't waste energy fighting it. Instead accept its existence so that it loses its power over you. I actually heard this several years ago from a little boy named Mattie Stepanek who was telling Oprah how he dealt with the pain of his terminal disability. He told Oprah by acknowledging the pain and making it a part of who you are, you learn to control it instead of it controlling you. By slowing down I am now forced to face the presence of the pain from this tremendous loss. Instead of fighting it and letting it weigh me down, I am trying to open my mind to it's existence and allow it to become a part of who I am right now. Kind of like the fact that I am now 40. Like it or not, I can't change that my age is a part of what makes me who I am. But I am not going to let it ruin my life. The pain is just like my age. Like it or not, I can't change the fact that Chris is gone and I am a widow. But I am not going to let it ruin my life. I used to tell Chris that one of the reasons I loved him so much was because he loved me unconditionally and he made all of my dreams come true. Nothing will ever change that. And because of his love, I am the mother of his three beautiful children and I am truly blessed.

Has it really been a month?

Hi all,

I cannot believe my last post was at the beginning of September. I apologize for not updating anything recently. September was very busy and went by really fast. I am so happy to have the summer behind us, but now am facing the holidays without Chris and trying not to think to much about this "first".

In my last post we were off to visit relatives in Indianapolis. The kids and I had a great time visiting with their aunts, uncles, and cousins and can't wait to go back. As soon as we returned from Indy, we headed to the Dells for a quick trip to the Wilderness Resort with some of Matthew's classmates and their moms. It was the perfect time to go because everyone else was already back at school and we had most of the lodge and water parks to ourselves. As soon as we got to the pool, the other moms scooped up my kids and told me I was needed in the spa. Being that I had never been there before, I had no idea what they were up to. I was shocked when I found out they had arranged for me to receive a therapeutic massage from one of the spa personnel. I was so surprised I started crying like a baby. It was just what I needed at that moment and for them to care so much about me to arrange this surprise made me incredibly humble and grateful. Thank you so much Lynne, Lisa, Stacy, and Jen. You girls are the best and I will never forget what you did for me! Funny side note - When I came out I asked them how in the world they kept Hannah (who is going through MAJOR separation anxiety right now) from crying? They kept telling her "Mommy just went to the bathroom, she'll be right back!" I need to try that one again to see if I can finally get her to stop being so clingy :).

After the Dells, school FINALLY started and Matthew and Megan are both doing really well. They are very happy to be back and to see all of their friends again. I even signed Hannah up for a class at the park district one day a week. Too bad it is only 45 minutes and leaving her even that long is not an option.

Did I mention that Megan turned FIVE years old on September 14th?! We started celebrating on Sunday, the 13th with Nana and Grandpa Weier. Then on her official day she got to be treator at preschool and then went out to McDonald's with Hannah and me for lunch afterward. But wait, it's wasn't over yet because the fun continued through the following weekend when she and a few of her closest friends gathered for a Pump It Up Party! She loved being the birthday girl and is finally coming down from her high!

Just as with Matthew, I have started a post of Megan's birth story but it is such an adventure I have not quite finished yet. Actually, I really want to make sure she can understand everything when I read it to her and so I need to think through a lot of it. Let's just say it was not a very fun pregnancy but the outcome was beautiful and five years later, she is worth all the trouble it took to bring her into the world.

So we are off on yet another trip! Are you surprised? This time it will be especially bittersweet but I think very healing for me. I am going to the outer banks of North Carolina with the kids and Chris' family for a week. I think this is my fifth trip to Duck with the Weiers who have done this many times over the years when Chris and Greg were growing up. The last time we went was when I was pregnant with Hannah. Chris and his mom planned this trip earlier this year but we all decided we still want to go. It will be hard to be back there without him, but somehow I think being on the ocean will make me feel even closer to him.

I will be sure to post Megan's birth story and an update on our vacation when we return. Until then, I hope you are all doing well. Please take care and thanks for checking in on us! God bless, Betsy

Megan turns 5 years old!!

My dear sweet Megan,

Where do I begin? I promised back in July when Matthew turned seven that I would write each of you for your birthday to tell the story of how you were born. Your birth story is full of adventure, which is why I have taken a while to get it posted. I am not exactly sure how much to share, but here goes anyway.

After Matthew turned one, Mommy and Daddy decided we were ready to try for number 2. We knew it was rather soon, but because it took a while to get pregnant with Matthew we decided it would probably be the same the second time around. Boy were we wrong. Much to our shock we got pregnant on the first try in July of 2003. Just as we were getting used to the idea of having two under two, the baby in Mommy's tummy stopped growing and I had a miscarriage in late August. It was not meant to be this time for us. We were sad at this loss, but hopeful to start trying again soon.

After we got the okay from my doctor, we did try again and were thrilled to find out in January of 2004 that we were pregnant and due in September. Because of the miscarriage, Mommy and Daddy were cautiously optimistic and decided to wait until I was 12 weeks to share our good news. Twelve weeks came and Mommy sent out an email to our friends and family to let them know we were pregnant.

We were still living downtown at this time and the next day Matthew went to spend the day with Nana and Grandpa Weier in Lake Bluff. That evening on my drive home from picking him up I stopped to get gas. As I was pumping gas, I looked down to notice I had a flat tire! What rotten luck. It was now getting late and past Matthew's bedtime. As we were waiting for the tire to be fixed, I remember going to the restroom only to discover I was having what I thought was another miscarriage, only this time it was much worse. I could not believe this was happening again! Why did I send that email out already?

Daddy was out of town on a business trip, so I called Nana and Grandpa Weier to come and get us. Nana Weier and Nana Zeller took me to the emergency room at Northwestern Hospital in the middle of the night. I will never forget the shock of hearing your heartbeat when the doctor came in to check me. An ultrasound was done and to my amazement there you were, perfectly formed and very much alive. I was so relieved but very scared when I was told you were a "threatened miscarriage". I could not understand what was happening to me and felt completely helpless for not being able to control my body. Daddy came home early and we went to see Dr. McCloskey the next day. I was diagnosed with a large subchorionic hematoma. Basically, a layer of the placenta was causing me to hemorrhage. I was told that there was nothing that could be done and if the bleeding did not resolve on it's own by twenty weeks, the risk of preterm labor was very high and we could lose our baby. I was put on bed rest and told to wait and see. Oh, and I was not to lift anything. Did they forget I had an eighteen month old at home?

So we waited...and waited...and waited. For six weeks, Mommy hemorrhaged but the great news was that every time we went in for an ultrasound, there you were waiting for us to see you! You were such an amazing sight to see every time. We were so proud of you for being such a fighter and never giving up. You kept me going. And by the grace of God, the bleeding literally stopped on the last day of my 19th week!

This time around, Daddy really wanted to know if you were a boy or a girl. Mommy still wanted to be surprised. So we had the ultrasound technician put the answer in a sealed envelope which Mommy got to hold onto. Most of our family reading this will be surprised to learn, that Matthew gave Daddy the sealed envelope on Father's Day of 2004 to open. Megan, I want you to know that when Daddy opened the envelope that Father's Day, he immediately started crying from joy of knowing you were going to be our first little girl! He and I were both over the top with happiness. Our little fighter this whole time was a very strong young lady and we were so in love with you and could not wait to meet you. But we kept our little secret between just the four of us until you were born.

The rest of the pregnancy went much, much better with little to no events. During this time, Mommy and Daddy decided to make the official move out to the suburbs. We sold our condo in the city and started building our house in West Dundee. Unfortunately, the house was not going to be ready until the end of September and you were due September 15th. Nana and Grandpa Weier were kind enough to let us live with them for a few months. On September 14th, Daddy and I went back downtown to Northwestern Hospital and you were delivered by scheduled cesarean section. You were tiny compared to Matthew and weighed in at only 6 lbs. 9oz. We named you Megan Lynsie. Megan because one of it's meanings is "mighty, strong one." That you most certainly already proved to us. Lynsie is a combination of the last three letters of each of your nana's names, "Marilyn" and "Susie."

So here you finally were. What a long, hard wait it was. You had a few hiccups after birth and needed to be put in NICU because you were not transitioning very well and your blood sugar was low. But Mommy and Daddy already knew what a little fighter you were and did not worry (too much). After five days, we were released from the hospital. Shortly thereafter we moved into our new house and started our new life together in West Dundee as a beautiful family of four.

Megan, you have taught me so much that I don't even know how to express it all. You continue to be a strong young lady and want to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible just like your Daddy. I have always said - you may have blond hair and blues eyes like Mommy, but your personality is all Daddy! He and I both love you so much. We love your determination, your ability to learn quickly, your persistence and curiosity. You are so sweet and want to help me as much as possible around the house. And you are the best sister in the world to Matthew and Hannah. Although you can flare a good temper every now and again, you will not let anyone take you down and I love you for that competitiveness.

You have been my greatest comfort since Daddy died. You always give me hugs and tell me how sorry your are that Daddy died. You keep telling me "Mommy don't ever stop loving Daddy because he will always love you." God bless you Megan. I love you so much and am so happy that God blessed us with you as our first daughter. I look forward to watching you continue to grow up into beautiful woman.

Love you baby girl,
Mommy

Happy Labor Day!

Hope everyone is doing well. I cannot believe we are already into September! I was looking forward to a very boring and uneventful August and now that it is over, I realize it was our busiest month of the summer. Believe it or not, my kids are still NOT back to school yet so the summer is not officially over for me. Megan starts PK4 on September 9th and Matthew goes to 2nd grade on September 14th. What does this mean? Mommy is going a little bit stir crazy. The rest of the neighborhood has been back in school for a few weeks now and my kids are REALLY bored! So I have decided to throw everyone in the car and head to Indianapolis for the Labor Day weekend. We will visit with my sister, Jaime, in Carmel AND Greg and Erin Weier who recently moved from Kansas to Indianapolis. (The Kansas Weiers are now officially the Indiana Weiers!) The kids are looking forward to playing with their cousins, Luke Feller and Amelia and Graham Weier.

Before leaving, I just wanted to send a quick update to let everyone know we are all hanging in there. We have made it past the three month mark since Chris died. I have been gently reminded several times by my bereavement counselor that this is when the "anesthesia starts to wear off and the pain is really felt." Oh great - this on top of heading into the holidays. What fun! Apparently (as she explained), when someone close to you dies unexpectedly your body goes into shock and starts overproducing endorphins to survive. At around the three to six month mark, your body stops producing the extra endorphins and that is when you really have to start dealing with the pain of loss. And we all know that the only way to deal with that pain is by walking through it head on. No detours allowed here!

No only is this happening to me but I have even noticed a change in the kids, even Hannah. She woke up crying the other morning which is really out of the ordinary for her. She kept crying, "I want Daddy." And the other night, I found Matthew crying in his bed while holding a picture of Chris. He kept saying, "this is not how we wanted to live. This is not how we wanted to live." As always, I ask that you please continue to keep us in your prayers. I am truly convinced that they are working and I don't know how long this road to recovery is going to be for us.

On a much, much happier note. I thought I would close by sharing a link to a wonderful blog about Chris' Golf Memorial. The link is http://emilyhernandezphotography.blogspot.com/2009/08/inaugural-chris-weier-golf-outing.html . Emily was hired by Jim and Christin Mangan to photograph the day's events. If you get a chance please check it out. She is very talented and I really appreciate all of her hard work that day.
Here is one of the pictures from the Memorial:
Thanks for checking in on the Dundee Weiers. Please have a safe and fun Labor Day weekend! God bless, Betsy.

Life goes on...

Hi everyone. I apologize for not updating in a while. It has been busy as usual at the Weier house. Since Matthew's birthday we have had the St. Mary Parish Picnic, a trip to the Brookfield Zoo, the Christopher Weier Memorial golf outing, Uncle Todd's 42nd birthday, and Lake Forest Day. All this on top of our regular swim lessons, doctor appointments, family dinners, etc. etc. Someone who also lost their spouse at a young age said to me that the one thing she learned about death is that life goes on. This is so true, especially when you have young children. They do not slow down for anything!

The 1st Annual Christopher Weier Memorial Classic was unbelievable. I am overwhelmed and humbled by the turnout for the event. We had over 50 golfers participate and over 100 friends and family members attend the dinner afterward. I am amazed at what our neighbors pulled together in a matter of six short weeks. The "Cdubs" committee was headed by Chris' "BFF" (best friend forever - inside joke) and our next door neighbor, Jim Mangan. Jim worked around the clock with his wife, Christin, and our other neighbors including the Smileys, the Gudvagens, the Schlaffers, and the Reeders to organize all the day's activities, dinner and silent auction. Thank you to all the committee members, volunteers and donors. Because of you, the memorial raised over $5000 for the Weier Children Education Fund. Chris' greatest accomplishment was and still is his children, Matthew, Megan and Hannah. Nothing mattered more to him then their well being. I know that he is looking down with a huge smile because you have cared enough to provide for the education of his three children. Thank you from bottom of my heart for everything you have done.

After the memorial, we headed to Lake Forest to spend Lake Forest Day with Nana and Grandpa Weier and Chris' grandparents, aunts, cousins and their kids. The day began with a parade in front of Chris' cousin, Kim's house, followed by a picnic lunch at Lake Forest Beach and later in the day the carnival. The kids had a blast! I am not sure which part of the day holds the best memories, the kids attacking the parade goers looking for candy or Megan, Hannah and Carly naked by the outdoor shower on the beach. I will try to post pictures of both soon!

Lastly, just when I think we are making progress and getting on with life, I get thrown a curve ball to bring me back down to the reality that Chris is gone forever. I ask everyone to please say an extra prayer for Matthew. Long story short, my brother Todd was sent to St. Joe's ER (same hospital Chris went to) last Thursday for kidney stones. When I mentioned this to Matthew, he immediately asked if Uncle Todd was going to die. Later in the day he broke down and told me how afraid he is that I am going to die before he becomes a "parent" (i.e., adult). He told me that he is so sad that Daddy died and wants to know when we can all be in heaven together again as a family. OUCH. I immediately pulled out a book from my "bag of tricks" and read "A Child's Simple Guide Through Grief" with Matthew. We talked about all the different feelings that we have been experiencing right now and that anything is normal. I think one of the things I miss as much as Chris being here, is a part of the innocence that is gone from Matthew, Megan and Hannah. They have had to deal with more this summer than most adults deal with in a lifetime and I am so sad for them that they had to grow up faster because of this. On a positive note, the kids and I have been seeing a wonderful grief counselor by the name of Jackie through St. Joe's hospice program. Matthew told me he wants to visit with her again soon. I thought that was a good sign. He also told me he wanted to visit the cemetery to see Daddy. We did that too last Friday. Thank you all for checking in. I really appreciate all of your support! God bless, Betsy

Happy 7th Birthday, Matthew!

07/18/2009
Dear Matthew,
Today is July 18th and we are celebrating your seventh birthday. It has been a little over a month since I started this website to keep all of our friends up to date on how we are doing. I am finding out as I go along, that this website is more for you, Megan and Hannah to read someday and reflect on this time in your life because you are still too young to remember everything that is going on, especially as of lately. And since Mommy has never been good at keeping your baby book up to date, I wanted to take this time to write to you today and let you know how much Mommy and Daddy love having you as our son. Just the other day, Megan asked me to tell her about the day she was born and I thought I would do the same for you.

You were due on July 17, 2002. Someday you will do the math and realize you are our "post 9/11 trip to Ireland" baby. We had been praying to God for a long time to give us a child to love and we were thrilled to learn on Mommy's 32nd birthday that our prayers had been answered. What a great birthday gift to find out you were growing in my tummy! You were very nice to Mommy and only gave me a few months of morning sickness. The rest of my pregnancy went very smoothly. We decided to be surprised and not to find out if you were a boy or a girl. Daddy went with me to the 20 week ultrasound and we were both so excited to see our perfect baby getting so big. I remember going to my last doctor appointment on your due date and Dr. McCloskey said I was not even close to going into labor. So I went home to our condo in Chicago to wait while Daddy was at work. I had a few friends come by to visit and remember being really, really uncomfortable the rest of the day and into the night. I woke up in the middle of the night and started walking around because I could not sleep. I started timing my contractions and around 8AM I woke up Daddy and called the doctor. She told me to come into the hospital and we raced down Lakeshore Drive. I am sure you will hear many more stories about your Daddy's driving habits, so I will save that part of the story for another time. Needless to say, we got to the hospital very fast!

Mommy and Daddy were shocked to find out my water had already broke (it is so not like the movies) and I was not going home until you were born. That was around 10 o'clock in the morning on July 18, 2002. I called Nana Zeller and she came to the hospital to be with me. Everyone else was excitedly waiting by the phone to hear the good news that you had been born. At just around 7PM, yes that is in the evening, I finally started pushing. Daddy was trying so hard to help me. He held my hand and counted for me. He kept trying to say nice things but nothing worked. Several hours later, you still were not born. You see, Matthew, you have a very large head just like Daddy and it was stuck in a transverse position. We would later learn that your head circumference measured in the 95th percentile! There was no way you were coming out the way God meant for you to. On top of that, I now had a fever and my epidural slipped out so I went from feeling nothing to feeling everything in a matter of minutes. This all meant you needed to come out fast. So we rushed to the operating room and you were delivered by cesarean section at 11:55PM.

Daddy got to see you first and I could hear you crying. What a beautiful sound! Daddy carried you over to me and I will never forget the first time our eyes met. It was like I could see into your soul. You were so beautiful. We connected instantly and it was love at first sight! We called Nana and Grandpa Weier to finally share the good news. Grandpa was thrilled because not only were you the first grandchild on Daddy's side of the family, but you were also born on Grandpa Weier's birthday (with five minutes to spare)! You and Grandpa Weier have a very special bond being born on the same day.

I let Nana Zeller and Daddy go back to the condo to get some rest after a very very long day and you and I got to stay together all night at the hospital. You were such a good baby from the beginning. I was so amazed at how perfect everything about you was. Daddy came back first thing the next morning. I was surprised to see him arrive with a brand new camcorder in place of his laptop that he always kept with him. He was so crazy about you that he could not wait to start recording every moment of your life! You instantly changed both of us with your birth.

Since then you have been so much fun to watch grow into such an honest and handsome young man. You are so sweet and considerate of others. You love holding the door open for me, giving hugs and frequently ask if there is anything you can do to help me out. And although you can definitely throw an occasional temper tantrum, you always try your best to do the right thing...always. You are very funny and love to make us laugh. Your one liners are the best. When you smile, your eyes light up just like Daddy's...Irish eyes are always smiling! You are very animated and love telling stories with your hands. You can imitate any noise you hear which always amazes me at the things you can repeat. Also like Daddy, you love to figure out how things work and are very curious about life. I can tell when your brain is spinning trying to tell how something works. You have so much energy. I hope you never lose any of these qualities that make you so special. Most of all, and particularly now, you are fiercely protective of me and your sisters. It is unbelievable how fast you have grown up over these past few months since Daddy became an angel. One of the first things your told me after Daddy died was that you would wear the iron fist in the house now! I love you so much Matthew. Daddy loves you so much. Thank you for making our dream of having a son come true! Love, Mommy

Matthew opening his DS


Water balloon fight with a few of your friends!

Hitting the shark pinata

Oreo blizzard ice cream cake

Happy birthday Matthew and Grandpa Weier!

Zeller Reunion Weekend

I apologize for not posting recently. The kids and I have been taking a lot of road trips lately and I have not been able to catch up until now. After our trip to Des Moines for the 4th of July, we traveled to Springfield to visit the Zeller side of the family for a reunion with my aunts, uncles, cousins and a lot of my cousins' kids. It was nice to see everyone again -- only this time was under much happier circumstances. We spent most of the weekend on Lake Springfield at my aunt and uncle's house. We even got to take the boats out on the water for the kid's first boat rides. Matthew decided he likes the pontoon boat the best, while Megan could not go fast enough on the speed boat. She even tried out tubing off the back of the speed boat, but only after taking Matthew back to shore because it was going too fast for him! They had a blast and I loved being on the water. I had forgotten how therapeutic it is and cannot wait to go back for another visit. Here are some pics from our weekend. Thanks for checking in on us. Coming soon...Matthew turns 7!!

Thank you Abby for staying with us for three weeks! I really appreciate all of your help with the kids!

The Dundee Weiers with Mommy

Megan and Hannah driving Uncle Gary's boat

Ashley, Megan and Mommy tubing off the boat!

Seriously, just say "cheese"

2009 Christopher Weier Memorial Golf Classic

Just wanted to send a quick post to invite those in the area to the 2009 Inaugural Christopher Weier Memorial Classic that has been organized by our neighbor and good friend, Jim Mangan. Jim and several of our neighbors have been working around the clock to pull this off. They intentionally kept me out of the loop so I would not have to lift a finger to do anything. When Jim showed me the registration form below I was overwhelmed with emotion by all the hard work and dedication that is going into this event to celebrate Chris' life. I do not know how I can possibly ever show this entire community how much I appreciate everything that everyone is doing. You are all very special to us and we are forever grateful. Hope to see you on August 2nd! Thanks and God bless, Betsy

P.S. If you click on the images below I believe it will be enlarged for easier reading.

4th of July in Des Moines

Just a quick update to let everyone know we are doing okay. We went away for the holiday to visit some family and friends where I grew up - Des Moines, Iowa. We stayed with my sister-in-law's family and had a wonderful time. Thank you to Judy and Greg Gear for letting us stay with you. Staying at your home was "just what the doctor ordered" and allowed me to get some much needed rest and relaxation. The kids had a great time hanging out with their cousins, Cade, Zoey and Abby. We also got a chance to visit one of my very best friends, Katie Schulte. I cannot believe how much her kid's have grown up! Just wish the weather would have cooperated a little better. All in all, it was a great trip and a lot of new and fun memories were made. Hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th of July! Here are some pictures from our weekend in Des Moines. Thank you for checking in!

Playing games at "Aunt" Katie's

Megan teaching Uncle Todd how to dance!

Nothing is going to sink Hannah!

Hannah with her first sparkler.

The Dundee Weiers at the West Des Moines Fireworks.

One month down...

Dear Chris,
Here it is, one month since you passed away. In some ways, I still feel like it was just yesterday that you and I were spending an awesome Saturday at St. Mary's with so many of our friends and fellow parishioners listening to Jeff Caven's talk about the Great Adventure...A Journey Through the Bible. I remember looking over at you throughout the day and taking such pleasure in seeing you laughing so hard. Jeff was so funny and entertaining. Who would have thought reading the Bible could be so much fun? You and I were looking forward to furthering our faith journey together by taking this class and being one of the few Catholics that actually knew how to read the Bible :)! I remember walking hand and hand with you out of the Church and saying our goodbyes as you were headed home to relieve your parents from babysitting and I was going to drop by a friend's house who was having a belated Memorial Day BBQ.

One hour later my world stopped when I called home to check in and your mom answered the phone to tell me you had collapsed while at Woodmans and were being rushed to St. Joe's Hospital. I remember racing to the hospital and trying to call your cell phone over and over again with no answer. I called the paramedics that treated you, the police that drove to our house to notify us of your situation, the nurses station in the emergency room. They all said the same thing, "we cannot legally disclose information about a patient over the phone." NOOOOO!!!!! I knew in my heart it was not good. I kept praying the Hail Mary over and over again. I remember finally getting to the hospital and sprinting through the parking lot. I glanced over to another car parked in the lot and saw the license plates read "IM ALIVE". I thought that was a good sign. Inside your Dad was waiting for me in a small room off of the main waiting area. Another bad sign. I just kept yelling at any one I could find, "please tell me if my husband is alive!" And then the doctor came in with an older man dressed in a tan suit. I would later learn he was the chaplain at the hospital. I screamed as the doctor told me he worked on you for over thirty minutes but that you had not survived. NOOOOO!!!!! This cannot be happening. How could this happen to us? NOOOO!!!!! From that moment on, I was numb. I just kept saying, "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do." How can I live without you? How was I going to fill your shoes? How was I going to raise Matthew, Megan and Hannah without you? They are too young to lose their Daddy. I instantly thought of Hannah only being two and being so incredibly sad that she will most likely never remember you at all. Oh Chris, this is so not right!

Since then, time seems to be going so slow yet somehow it goes by. Matthew has finished baseball and soccer, Megan had her dance recital and learned how to ride her bike without training wheels and Hannah has somehow managed to potty train herself. We truly have three amazing kids. They make me laugh so hard at some of the things they do, I only hope in some way you are able to see it too. Just the other day I heard Hannah crying out in the garage and Megan yelling "Mama, come quick!" The garage door was completely open with Hannah suspended from the bottom of it. How she hung on for so long I do not know. There was at least five feet between her and the ground. They are what keeps me going. I cannot let them down. I try as hard as I can to keep their routine as it was, but now we are also trying to create a new normal without you. All this while still trying to find time to grieve. It is soooo hard!!!!

On top of taking care of them, I am also trying to get our life back on track and take over where you left off. I feel like I am going through orientation without someone here to train me. You did such an amazing job of taking care of us and you were so organized that it is going pretty well. I had no idea everything you put into place in the unlikely event that something should happen to you. Although we are suffering so much without you, we are truly blessed because things could be so much worse if you had not done such a great job of taking care of us before you passed. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you so much and miss you more than words can express. Please continue to watch over us and guide me through this and please don't leave me again. Love, Betsy

Father's Day 2009

Dear Chris,
Today is Father's Day and I want to share with you all that we did to celebrate the best Daddy in the world. Remember last month when you and I talked about the kid's being old enough this year to run in the Father's Day Fun Run? Well, I talked to them last week and Matthew and Megan both said that they still wanted to run for Daddy today. I think that is pretty awesome and so we decided as a family that this would become our new tradition on Father's Day. Cade and Zoey wanted to run for Uncle Chris too; and so we packed everyone up early this morning and went to the Depot in downtown Dundee for the race. It was a lot of fun. Cade came in second place with Matthew shortly behind him. I was so proud of Megan and Zoey for both finishing the race and NOT getting distracted at the turn around point by the swings in the park. The kids all got ribbons for doing such a great job.

Then we went to visit the cemetery and give you the gifts the kids had already made at school last month. Can you guess who wanted to keep her card and present? So we left Matthew's card and Megan decided to hold onto your key chain so it did not get wet in the rain. Here are some pictures from the day. We miss you terribly and hope you are having a great Father's Day! All our love, Betsy, Matthew, Megan and Hannah

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

With much gratitude...

God morning. I actually meant to type good morning but decided to keep my typo "as is". Welcome to the Dundee Weiers blogspot. As you can imagine, these past three weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. Nothing is the same. My perfect life as I knew it and lived it and loved it ended on May 30, 2009 at 5:55PM. Now I am just trying to sort through all of this as best as possible; while still trying to let Matthew, Megan and Hannah continue life as they knew it before Chris died in some small resemblance of a way.

As I mentioned at Chris' funeral, the outpouring of love and support from family, friends, parishoners, colleagues, teachers, and even strangers is overwhelming and VERY much appreciated. I honestly had no idea Chris had touched so many peoples lives in his short 37 years here with us. I hope someday to be able to thank each and everyone of you individually for the meals, flowers, donations, phone calls, emails, cards, etc. But for now please know that I am so humbled and so very grateful for EVERYTHING that is being done to help me and my family during this difficult time. Thank you!

So what brings me to this blog spot? As mentioned above, so many people have been calling and emailing and sending cards to let me know they are thinking of us and wanting to keep in touch and know how the kids and I are doing. At this time, I am not physically able to respond to everyone individually. There are just not enough hours in the day! So my little sister, Jaime, has a blog spot that she created after the birth of her son, Luke, <http://www.thefellerlife.blogspot.com/>. I was talking to her shortly after Chris' funeral, and we both said "a blog would be a great way to let everyone know just how the Weiers are doing." In my extended family, we have always been referred to as the "Dundee Weiers" and Greg (Chris' brother) and his family are the "Kansas Weiers". Voila! Now you know. Hope you enjoy seeing my updates here at thedundeeweiers.blogspot.com. Take care and God bless, Betsy