"I'm alright"

That was then... June 5th, 2009 the day we buried Chris.

Matt, Megan and Hannah, I will never be able to put into words how proud Mommy and Daddy were of you on this day. Having never been through anything like this before in your young lives, you were so brave and strong for us. Matt and Megan did not even know what a pallbearer was but insisted on helping carry Daddy to his final resting place. I love each of you so much and thank God every day for blessing me with your presence in my life!

And this is now, one year later... a typical day in the life of a Dundee Weier.

(I told Matt and Megan to go find something "productive", not "reproductive" to do! )

(These boots are made for washing.)

(I told Matt to go put on something nice to go to Church.)

Hi everyone. Clearly it has been awhile since my last post. I apologize for taking so long to write. In addition to being really busy with the kids, I just felt like I needed a break from the blog and was honestly at a loss for words for the first time in a long time and decided to stay away until I felt inspired. So here it is actually July 9th and I started this post on June 15th. Hmmmmm. I think part of it was that we did pass the year anniversary of Chris' death and I felt all along that I should write some really deep inspirational message to my kids for them to read someday (in their teen years) when they hated me and wanted to run away from home :). But no such inspiration came. So instead I will just fill you in on some things that are happening (mostly through pictures) and what I do want Matt, Megan and Hannah to remember some day down the road.

First - Memorial Day weekend/Chris' angel anniversary - So basically it went like this...Mommy worrying all week long building anxiety about the 30th. Mommy thinking about all the "lasts" that we had with Daddy. His last game of golf with neighbors, his last BBQ with family, his last "to do" for Mommy of painting my "office" the laundry room, his last time watching Matt play t-ball at his game Friday night, his last pizza afterwards and then his last day on Earth spent with Mommy at St. Marys and then going our separate ways forever. And then the kids and I woke up on Sunday, May 30th, 2010 and went to mass at 10:30 with my Mom. The mass intention was said for Chris and Megan, Matt and I carried down the gifts. Afterward we went to the cemetery and for some reason I thought we were going to be miserable all day. But then we got back into the car and I turned on the radio as we drove away. The theme song from Chris' favorite movie, Caddyshack, was playing and Kenny Loggins was singing "I'm alright....don't nobody worry about me." No way was that a coincidence! As Chris always said, it was a God-incidence. I started busting out laughing. The kids started laughing and I had to pull the car over as we all laughed so hard we started crying. I knew it was Chris letting us know he was okay and that we needed to lighten up! He would not want us to waste the day moping around feeling sad. He would want us doing what most people do on Memorial Day weekend - remember the good times, relax, enjoy the company of family and friends, eat, drink and be merry. So we quickly drove home and CELEBRATED with the Weiers and the Zellers the amazing life that Chris shared with us. We had a blast. Thank you babe. You always knew how to have a good time. Thanks for that reminder.

(Hannah taunting and then loving on her cousin, Graham. Memorial Day 2010.)

Since then, it has been crazy busy with the kids and other stuff going on. We celebrated my Mom's 65th birthday and sent Mommy away on a weekend trip with friends to Scottsdale, AZ. (Fun in the sun with Kate and Christin.)

We saw Megan graduate from preschool!
(Megan with her good friends, Bridget, above and Brady, below.)
We had the girls' dance recital and watched many of Matt's baseball games.

(It is so hard being a prima ballerina.)

We sent Matt to his last day of school with a 24 hour mo-hawk because that is as long as Mommy would agree to!

We also sent Megan to two weeks of Kindergarten readiness "boot" camp in order to enroll in all day Kindergarten in the fall.
(Private Megan reporting to duty.)

We celebrated Father's day by running in the 5K and Kid's Fun Runs. Since Cade and Zoey moved to Colorado, this year we recruited the Taylor boys to run with Matt and Megan. Papa Zeller and Mommy even placed 1st and 2nd in the 5K for their age groups - there are benefits to getting older, fewer runners your age!


(Notice the tattoos all over Brady's face and arms!)

Mommy celebrated the 40th birthdays of some of her dearest friends, Patsy and Katie.

(My college girlfriends, Lori, Heather and Patsy.)

(My BFF since freshman year of high school, Katie.)

And we celebrated the 4th of July in Lake Bluff with Chris' parents. Can you believe I did not take one picture over the 4th! That never happens.

In addition to that , Matt has taken up golf lessons and LOVES it! I am not kidding when I say he is crazy about golf. It is the first thing he asks to do when he wakes and he literally spends the ENTIRE day outside hitting balls. Thank you to Nana and Grandpa Weier for giving Matt his first set of golf clubs. He is in love with the game and I am thrilled he has found something to be so passionate about. I only hope that it will teach him how to stay focused and ultimately spill into the classroom and stop his daydreaming episodes!

(Matt is trying to recruit Hannah to be his caddy.)

(Hitting a bucket of balls with Papa at the driving range.)

Believe it or not, I have found a new passion too. I have been running since last October and love it! I joke that it was either that or end up in rehab somewhere. Running has saved my life by being the healthy coping mechanism that I needed to get me through the pain from losing Chris. My brother, Todd, and my sister, Jaime, both recommended it to me last Fall when I hit rock bottom and was completely consumed in my grief. Jaime was actually hours from running in her first marathon last May in San Diego when she got the news about Chris. She still managed to finish her race and I (foolishly) agreed to run her next one with her. Thank God she got pregnant right after Chris died, so I knew it would be a while until her next race. Funny how time flies. Now we are both registered to run the Chicago Half Marathon with my Dad this September. I told her I'll start with a half and work my way to the full. She was fine with that. So I am in training now and hoping the summer goes slow!

So now you are all caught up! I apologize again for taking so long. Know that the Weiers are "alright" and hope you are all doing well, too. Enjoy the rest of your summer. God bless, Betsy

Just roll with it....

Well here we are in the "merry" month of May. I was hoping to somehow arrange for Mother Nature and Father Time to skip this month and go straight into June, but no such luck. Just minutes ago, I checked my email to find out that our little friend Carter Kettner took his last breaths this morning. Please continue to keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. I know from experience that all of St. Marys will surround them with love and support to get through this difficult time. Carter will be buried just a few feet from Chris, so I know he is in good company and already being taken very good care of.

The Weiers and the Zellers at Matt's First Communion

Matt in the Hat

My babies

Since my last post Matt made it through his First Communion with ease and no mistakes. He received a very special framed picture from the Taylors of three pictures - one of each of Chris, me and Matt on our First Communions. I honestly did not know these pictures existed and it was a very special way to include Matt's dad in the day. Now he loves going to Mass and taking part in the Eucharist. I also had a very nice Mother's Day weekend. I spent all day Saturday with one of my very dear friends, Heather, who turns 40 today. She specifically told her husband Dan that she did NOT want a surprise party with tons of people jumping out at her at once. So Dan planned a "progressive" surprise party and arranged for friends and family to surprise her throughout the day and into the evening when we all went to listen to one of their neighbor's bands play at a bar in West Chicago (haven't done that in forever!) On Sunday, the kids, Papa, and Jim and Christin Mangan showered me with gifts and flowers. The weather was beautiful and Christin and I sat outside drinking mimosas and then went out to lunch with everyone. My parents, the kids and I went to the evening mass at St. Mary where a mass was said for The Weier Family. It was a beautiful way to end a special day.

Happy Birthday, Heather!

The Weiers have been keeping busy with school, Matt's baseball, Megan and Hannah's dancing, Mommy's bible study and lots of playing outside when the weather cooperates. We also had the pleasure of taking care of my two year old nephew, Luke, for the past few days to give my sister, Jaime, a much needed break. Jaime gave birth seven weeks ago and was feeling a bit overwhelmed handling two at once. We did our best to spoil Luke rotten while here in Chicago. Then my Dad, Hannah and I drove Luke back to Indianapolis on Monday for a very quick trip (less than 24 hours) and to finally meet Jacob. He is just as cute as Luke, and Hannah thoroughly enjoyed having him all to herself.

Hannah and baby Jacob. Nice under bite, H. I see lots of dental appts in your future!

Hope everyone is doing well. Take care, Betsy

Save the Date

Just wanted to pass along the info for the 2nd Annual Chris Weier Memorial Family Day. Jim Mangan and Committee have already put in long hours to plan for this year's event which will be held on Saturday, July 24, 2010. Please click on the link below for more information.

http://events.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07e2ton7y14ffb079d

Last year's event was a huge success and a lot of fun for all Chris' family and friends. You can see some of the highlights of last years event at: http://emilyhernandezphotography.blogspot.com/2009/08/inaugural-chris-weier-golf-outing.html

Hope to see you this July!

Remembering a birthday

While I have 10 minutes without any kids, I wanted to write a quick update to say hello. Yesterday was Chris' birthday and we made it through with flying colors. Well, actually, the day started out on a somber note when I received an email letting me know that our little friend, Carter, who has been fighting brain cancer for over a year was taken off his ventilator and sent home to spend time with his family. Not the news I wanted to read. Please continue to pray for the Kettners and for Carter during this incredibly painful time in their lives.

The kids and I, along with Chris' parents and my dad, went to noon mass at St. Marys where a special intention was said for Chris. We then went to lunch at Pinecrest Country Club (where we held the luncheon after Chris' funeral) and to the cemetery with presents for Daddy. It was beautiful weather and that really seemed to help. Later that evening, we sang "happy birthday" and ate cookie cake with our good friends and neighbors, the Mangans. The day would not be complete without sending balloons to heaven. Our other good friends, the Taylors, started this tradition for us and brought the kids a huge bouquet of helium balloons to help celebrate Chris' life and all the fun memories we have of him. The kids each wrote a message on their balloons and then we released them into the sky. It was a nice way to end the day and remember how special Daddy will always be to us.

Now I am in prep mode for this weekend. Matthew will be receiving his First Communion on Saturday at 10AM. At our church, the parents present each child individually in front of the altar to receive communion. Grandpa Weier will stand up with Matthew and me. I am then having a few of our family and friends over for lunch at our house. Matt and I went to dress rehearsal tonight at church. It was good thing we practiced because Matt kept forgetting to say "Amen" after Fr. Duvall said "the body of Christ." I think he had at least five do-overs! He was getting frustrated and Father and I kept laughing. Please pray he is not too nervous on Saturday and remembers to say "Amen!"

Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for checking in on us. Take care, Betsy

The good, the bad and the ugly

Dear Matthew, Megan and Hannah,
I am writing to you on the ten month anniversary of Daddy's death. This post is for you to look back on someday and realize just how far you have come and how proud of you that I am for being so brave. While Mommy was very happy to be in a new year and felt like things were finally starting to look up, the three of you are just now beginning to understand the magnitude of what has happened. You realize now that Daddy is not just on another business trip. Each day it sinks in more and more that this is forever and these past few months have been really hard for you. One of the differences about your grief and mine is that, given your age, you don't always know how to express what you are feeling and so it comes out in different ways. You are easily agitated and very sensitive to things that do not normally bother you. There has also been a lot more sleepless nights from bad dreams, more bed wetting, more lying and aggressive behavior and now your school work is starting to be affected as well.

Matthew, just a few weeks ago, I found you crying in bed holding your picture of Mommy and Daddy. I asked why are you crying and you told me you did not know how you were going to do your Civil War/Westward Expansion project without Daddy here to help you. Together we decided to call Grandpa and Nana Weier for help. Grandpa Weier loves the Civil War and the three of you worked really hard to build a model of the First Transcontinental Railroad. You did so well you got a 100/100 pts. Way to go!

The other night after Mommy finished teaching Religious Ed, we had a date at Panera. After a lot of small talk, you said to me, "Mommy, I think one of us needs to get a job and since I go to school during the day, it should be you." When I asked why you were worried about this, you told me you were worried about running out of money. You overheard me tell Papa that my grief therapy in front of the fireplace (see previous post) was over because we had a $500 gas bill! While I was joking about it with Papa that we would have to switch to candles, I had no idea you took it seriously and became so worried. I am sorry that you have to think about these things now without Daddy here. I explained to you that Daddy wanted Mommy to be able to stay at home while you and your sisters were young and so that is my job right now. He did a great job of taking care of us to allow me to do so. You also told me again how worried you are that I am going to die before you grow up. I still don't know what to say in response to this one. I try as much as possible to explain to you that what happened to Daddy was incredibly rare and that God willing, Mommy will be here for a very long time to watch you grow up.

Megan, you are still having a lot of bad dreams and continue to want to sleep with me. You are so good during the day but then everything seems to fall apart with you after you go to bed. You and I are both exhausted from this routine and I hope that someday soon you will find some way to comfort yourself back to sleep. You are also very protective of Daddy's things. You do not want anything of Daddy's to be touched or moved. Just last Sunday after church, the St. Vincent de Paul ministry was passing out plastic bags for their clothing drive. As we walked to the car, you asked me what the bag was for. I told you it was to donate our clothes to the poor. You got very upset and yelled at me that I am not to get rid of Daddy's clothes!

Hannah. I feel so bad for you. While, Matthew and Megan are old enough to be able to go to group therapy, there is not much out there for you. You have recently wanted to be held a lot more by Mommy and Papa -"I wanna huggie and sit on your yap" you say. And just last night when you and Papa had date night at Dairy Queen, you started crying that you missed Daddy. You have been asking me several times a day when is Daddy coming home. You keep saying, "I wheel-y want Daddy to come home white now!" As much as I try to explain to you what forever means, you just can't grasp it yet.

And so I find myself working really hard to rehabilitate our family. I do not want death to define us anymore. As my bereavement counselor explained, I have to help you redefine your roles in our family without Daddy here. We have lost someone really special to us, and since we aren't going to get him back, we have to make up for it with each other. That does not mean we forget Daddy! We will never forget the important person that he was. Instead, we need to rebuild our family unit with just the four of us so that we can feel happy, healthy and whole again. I want people to know the amazing qualities you had even before Daddy died and not to look at you as the poor Weier kids who lost their dad. That is what I am focusing on right now - helping you to discover who you really are, what your likes and dislikes are, and continue to develop the core values that Daddy and I want you to possess. I am in constant touch with your teachers and social workers to keep tabs on how you are doing when at school. I check in with each of you several times a day to see how you are feeling. I try to create new traditions in our family to help us have fun and adventure while building "team Weier". We also started a new support group since Rainbows ended. We go to Herbie's Friends every Monday through the hospice program at St. Joes. It is a lot like Rainbows except that it is only for families who have lost a loved one from death. And Mommy gets to stay too. We have dinner together as a group and then break up into our age groups. Matthew and Megan each have their group and Mommy gets to go spend time with the other young widows/widowers and parents who have lost a child from death. I am so proud of each of you and how far we have come. I could not have gotten through these past ten months without you. People are so kind to keep telling Mommy how amazingly strong they think I am, but the truth is, I think the three of you are the amazing ones. You are my purpose in life and what keeps me going. I love you very much.

Love, Mommy

Welcome to the family

Carmel, IN added one more to it's population. I just wanted to share the good news that my sister Jaime had her baby yesterday! Here is the info:

Jacob Logan Feller
9lbs. 4 oz.
20 inches
March 20, 2010 @ 2:25pm

Proud parents Jaime and Jeremy and big brother Luke are all very excited to have Jacob here one week early. The Dundee Weiers are looking forward to meeting him soon. Congratulations to the Fellers!

Something to share

Things are going well at the Weier house. After recovering from a week of the kids having the flu, we are all happy to see the sun shining and the outside temp finally hitting the 40s.

Last weekend was the Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) retreat at St. Mary's for the men in our parish. My dad was on the presenting team and followed in Chris' footsteps as the lay director. It turned out to be a much harder weekend to get through than I anticipated. Not because my dad was not here to help me with the kids, but because Chris should have been there to help his fellow CRHP brothers with the retreat. Its funny how things I don't think are going to bother me really do and stuff that I would expect to break me down don't hurt at all.

Chris loved being involved with CRHP and liked finding anyway to help run the weekends, especially if it involved cooking for the men. He knew one way to draw them in was through their stomachs and he made sure that at least one dinner over the weekend involved him grilling a "cro-magnon meal" as he put it. Chris was so transformed by his CRHP experience in April of 2008 that he followed up a year later in April of 2009 by attending a Cursillo retreat at our Diocese. When he returned from Cursillo, I asked him how it compared to his CRHP experience. He told me that CRHP was like being slapped upside the head with a 2x4 and is what renewed his relationship with Christ after many years of being a fair weathered Catholic. But that Cursillo is what gave him the tools and the inspiration to try to help other men like him. He was not into preaching per se, but really just wanted to share his story and hope somehow it could help others that might be struggling with some of the same stuff he was. But then he died one month later and never had the chance to follow through with his new "calling" if you will. And that is why I had to give the eulogy at his funeral. To share his story and tell others that they might want to consider living life differently as he had recently learned.

And so with that, I thought I would finally get around to sharing his eulogy here on my blog. For Chris, for Christ and for anyone else out there who might be looking for a different way to get through some of the daily struggles we all live with. Like I mentioned in a previous post, "take what you like and leave the rest..." God bless, Betsy

Christopher Matthew Weier

1972-2009

Loving husband, devoted father, beloved son, influential brother, fun uncle, trusted colleague, good friend. The list could go on and on of all the amazing roles my husband, Chris, filled for us. And I promise you, Chris, that I will spend the rest of my life sharing memories of you in all of these roles with Matthew, Megan and Hannah so that they NEVER forget Daddy. But just for today, I would like to share with you, a role that Chris was just beginning to excel in. That is the role of disciple of Christ. It was just over 13 months ago on Chris’ 36th birthday that he came into this church to spend some time with other men from the parish at a Christ Renews His Parish weekend. That weekend changed Chris’ life forever. To quote Chris from an email he sent to his lay director shortly thereafter:

“It is hard to put into words my thoughts and feelings of this past weekend, but it was truly a wonderful and emotional experience for me. It helped me see that there are others who share the same struggles and issues that I have to work through, and that we don’t need to face them alone. I think that the one thing this past weekend helped me with was to fill a void I had in my life – a lack of a connection with God that truly held personal meaning to me. Another thing I struggled with for a long time was that I did not think all of our past transgressions could really be forgiven, which I carried for a long time and which probably prevented me from being able to truly connect with our Lord. Most importantly, I came to realize that God has been with me my whole life, guiding me on my journey, and calling out to me. It just took the CRHP weekend to make me realize the power of God’s grace and to finally answer His call.”

After his weekend, and in true Chris fashion, he jumped right in and joined several other ministries in the church – he became lay director for the next CRHP weekend, joined Knights of Columbus, joined Deacon Lou’s bible study, attended a Cursillo retreat, and worked on the St. Mary job ministry. I seriously used to wonder if he was going to leave me to become a priest! We enjoyed attending mass together as a family and celebrating in the other sacraments as much as possible. We prayed together at home with our children, read the Bible together, went to Eucharistic Adoration, enjoyed listening to our favorite Christian rock music and had many conversations about the importance of Christ in our life. All of this was written in a letter that Chris recently gave me that I want to share with you:

Dear Betsy,
I just wanted to send a quick note, mostly to thank you for encouraging me to join you on this faith journey, as it has been an amazing experience to do together. It has been wonderful to be able to share with each other, really in a way that we never were able to do before, and part of it had been my inability to really express my feelings, not so much just with you, but really not at all. It has been hard for me to do that in the past, and I want to thank you for being patient with me through all that time until it finally clicked for me on my Christ Renews His Parish weekend. It has definitely been a very positive thing for us and our family, and I can only say that I love you now more than ever before. Thank you and thank God!
I love you very much, Chris.

On behalf of the entire Weier-Zeller family, I would like to say that we are beyond overwhelmed by the love and support received from around the country at the news of Chris’ passing. Several times this week I have been asked “what do you need?” “What can we do to help you?” “How can we honor Chris’ life?” I stand here today and can honestly say without a doubt in my mind, that the greatest gift you can give back to Chris is to live your life in Christ just like he was doing. If you can do that for me, Chris and I both promise you that everything is going to be okay.

Just trust...

Just a quick update to let you know the kids and I are doing as good as can be expected considering it is mid-February and all four of us have cabin fever really bad. That equates to short tempers, little patience and a lot of time outs. Overall, the kids seem to have had a rough couple of weeks since my last post. In addition to being sick of this weather, I think they are all three experiencing some of the anger/depressed stages of grief. Matthew seems to be a lot more agitated lately even while at school. Megan is whining like a two year old. And yesterday Hannah was over at one of our friend's house and walked up to a complete stranger (a guy who lives next door them) and reached up to get him to pick her up and hold her. But luckily, nothing too extreme that I can't handle. I just keep trying to comfort them and listen if they feel like sharing with me. Sometimes it works, other times not so much.

This weekend I am headed out of town to visit a college friend who lives in Baltimore. I am flying with another friend and the three of us are very excited to visit with one another without kids. It will be my first trip away from Matthew, Megan and Hannah since Chris died and I have to admit that I am nervous. As much as I like to convince myself that nothing bad will happen to me or them, I can't help but worry. I have done everything I possibly can to ensure that they are taken care of in the RARE event something goes wrong. I just hate that this is what my life has become...living in fear of my kid's becoming orphans. Yesterday was really bad but then I had a God moment when I had to read the assigned chapter for my mom's bible study at St. Marys. The book is on Mother Teresa and the chapter title was "Trust in God's Providence". I read: The irony of trust is that if we trust only in our own intelligence, strength, and personality, we will fail. To place our trust in such things leads to frustration and despair. We cannot be totally free until we live in trust in God. Then we can afford to live even in poverty, as the poorest of the poor, having nothing, clinging to nothing, for we possess all that we really want.

"One thing Jesus asks of me: that I lean on him; that in him and only in him I put complete trust; that I surrender to him unreservedly." - Mother Teresa

Some good news and a random question out of nowhere

The Dundee Weiers had a very nice weekend because my brother, Todd, was in town for the first time since starting his new job out in Fort Collins. I mentioned in an earlier post that Tammy was staying here to sell the house. The good news is that their house sold this week! I am so happy for them but sad for us. We selfishly were hoping (and expecting given the housing market) that it would take longer. But I hated to see Tammy stressed and am excited that they will all get to be together again soon.

We had a slumber party at our house on Friday night while I watched the kids and let Todd and Tammy go out. Then on Saturday the cousins spent most of the day together followed by dinner and another slumber party over at the Zellers. Uncle RoRo (Robb) came out from the city and joined us for dinner. After we got the kids to bed, we watched The Hangover and I cried from laughing so hard!

Saturday morning, I was able to pay it forward so to speak and together with some of the other "Bible Girls" clean the Kettner house. On top of taking care of Carter, the rest of the Kettner clan got hit with the flu this past week and really needed some help. With Bowen visiting his cousins, we gave Joe and Cinnamon a chance to go out for breakfast while we cleaned house and kept an eye on Carter. He is such a sweet little boy with an amazing set of parents. What a humbling experience for me to see how they are able to continuously take care of Carter, literally around the clock, for almost a year now. I honestly don't know if I could keep up that level of strength all the time.

With Papa out of town since this past Wednesday, it has been interesting to be alone in the house with just Matthew, Megan and Hannah. My family and friends continue to be very helpful and don't let me go too long without a break from being a single parent! Tonight the kids and I went to 5:30 mass at St. Mary's and then I came home to feed them a quick dinner and put them to bed. As the four of us were eating dinner, Matthew out of nowhere started crying and said, "Mommy, I really wish you would have let me go to the hospital to see Daddy on the day he died." OUCH! Where the heck did this come from? We had gotten through the holidays and I honestly thought things were finally moving forward, not necessarily moving on, but being able to breathe again without pain and to have hope again. I was just telling Todd and Tammy this weekend how being in a new year has really helped more than I ever thought it would. So how come this is happening now to Matthew?

With my "bag of tricks" empty, I did not know how to respond to him. It was dead silent at the table and all three of them were looking at me waiting for my explanation. I carefully told them in detail what happened that day and how I did not know when I got to the hospital that Daddy had died. I told them I decided not to bring them to the hospital because I did not want them to be afraid of what they might see and that is why I waited for them to see Daddy at his wake. Matthew's reply to me was, "I could have handled it at the hospital, I see it all the time on TV." Dang he is too smart for me!

I was once again reminded that we all grieve differently and on different timetables. What I forgot was that in addition to dealing with my own grief, I have to help Matthew, Megan and Hannah deal with theirs too. And they process things so differently than I do. It's like they need to see it to believe it and understand it. I had not "checked in" with them in a while and it came back to bite! I asked them if they wanted me to drive them by the hospital that Daddy was taken to and they said yes. I only hope they don't make me take them inside! They then said they wanted to take balloons to Daddy again at the cemetery. We hadn't done that in awhile so it looks like I'll be heading to the party store tomorrow!

Thanks for checking in on us. Hope everyone has a good week. Take care, Betsy

Hannah turns 3 years old!

Dear Hannah,

You have reached a big milestone, you are now officially three years old! As with your brother and sister, I thought I would write to you to let you know how much joy you have brought into our family since the day you were born.

You continue to be my saving grace. After a scary pregnancy with Megan and a traumatic delivery with Matthew, I told Daddy that we were definitely having another one just to help erase the bad memories from the prior two experiences! Your pregnancy and delivery were the most pleasant and painless experiences by far. If you do the math someday :), you will figure out that you were Daddy's nine-month-belated birthday present. And even though I remember being very tired and uncomfortable, my pregnancy with you was uneventful. You grew just perfectly that even though your due date was January 12th, my doctor said I could deliver you one week early. Daddy, being an accountant, tried negotiating with the doctor to let you out before the end of the year to get one more deduction. But Dr. Coll refused. And so on January 5th, 2007, Daddy drove me to Good Shepherd hospital in Barrington, IL where you were born at 10:39AM.

I remember seeing you for the first time and thinking how much you looked like your brother, Matthew, when he was born. You had the same dark hair and dark eyes as he did. But as you have grown, I am told on almost a daily basis by complete strangers how much you look like me. The one thing you did keep though was Daddy's hazel eyes. That I am so happy you have kept.

Daddy and I had already agreed to the name Hannah but we had no ideas for a middle name. Your Aunt Ya-ya (Jaime) and Nana Zeller were at the hospital when you were born and they suggested "Christine" after Daddy's name, Christopher. Daddy LOVED that idea and I finally said okay - but it was more because I like the sound of it together with "Hannah". Little did I know just how important that decision would be less than two and a half years later. I am so so so very thankful we named you after Daddy.

You were a very good baby. I remember you being really quiet and laid back until around six months when you discovered your voice. You quickly learned how to scream for attention over the constant commotion from your brother and sister. From that point on, you convinced yourself that you were in charge and to this day you still act like the oldest, not the youngest, sibling. Thank goodness Matthew and Megan love you so much because they continue to let you get away with it!

You also get away with a lot from me. You are so funny and loving that it is hard to be strict with you. And what a ball of energy you are! I constantly find you on the counters trying to get to the gum and candy in the kitchen cabinet. You have a serious sweet tooth. You also like to pull out the drawers between the kitchen sink and the island to swing like a monkey. Which is why just today while at your three year check up with Dr. Maw you said your full name is, "Hannah Banana Weier".

Hannah, I don't think I will ever be able to fully express how very sorry I am that Daddy died when you were so young. It breaks my heart to know that you will most likely never remember him at all. That is why I talk about him every day with you . I have to try to keep his memory alive for you. I hope to God that you will at least remember the stories I share with you even though you might not remember him. You came up with a little prayer ever since Daddy died and I hope you never forget it. You say, "I love you Daddy. Have fun in Heaven with Jesus. Amen."

I love you Hannah. Daddy loves you, too. Amen.

Hannah and a few of her friends

Hannah and her pinata

Trying to keep Hannah's fingers out of the cake!

Party #2 with Hannah and her cousins

Prayers for Carter

Hi. Its me again. I know, so soon! But this is somewhat of an urgent request. I have the privilege of knowing the Kettner family from Huntley, Il and need to ask you to please pray for all of them - Joe, Cinnamon, Carter (6), and Bowen (2). I met the mother, Cinnamon, through St. Mary's nursery program and also attend the Mom's Bible Study with her. Cinnamon's son, Carter, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer last February. One of my favorites memories of this past holiday season was when the kids and I and a few hundred of the Kettner's closest friends, along with Santa of course, surprised them by showing up at their house on December 23rd (in the freezing rain) to sing Christmas carols for Carter. It was truly an amazing experience and one that I know Matthew, Megan and Hannah will never forget.

Carter, however, is back in the hospital and not doing well at all. Please please please pray for him and his family that they will have the strength necessary to get through this and to find the answers they need from the doctors. If you would like to learn more about the amazing Carter, you can check out his website at http://www.carterkettner.org/.

P.S. On another note, today is Miss Hannah's 3rd birthday! I will be sure to get another update of her special day soon. Until then, take care!

New Year!

Hello 2010!! What took you so long to get here? I just wanted to send a post to wish everyone a Happy New Year and let you know the Dundee Weiers survived the holidays. Yeah! All things considered, we had a very nice Christmas. I appreciate all the cards, emails, phone calls, and messages to check in and let us know you are still thinking of us. I, however, did not get around to sending Christmas cards. I am sure you can understand, especially since it was Chris' job in the past! If I had gotten around to it, it would have been something like this:

Happy Holidays from the Weiers!

My goal was to give Matthew, Megan and Hannah as normal a Christmas as possible and so I still kept some old traditions. The house still got decorated thanks to my Aunt Linda who came to visit the first weekend of December. She and Megan put up the tree and garland and hung the stockings over the fireplace. We also played lots of Christmas music and watched our favorite holiday movies throughout the month. I managed to get my shopping done with the help of some "elves" and good babysitters. And we still had Christmas at my mom's the Sunday before Christmas. My mom can throw the best Christmas brunch! The kids had a blast with their cousins and I enjoyed spending time with my parents and siblings. Thanks Mom!

Some things were also done differently. We had Chris' parents come out to our house Christmas Eve. We used to not go to their house until Christmas day. They went to mass at St. Mary's with us on Christmas Eve and then we all came back to my house where Tammy and Todd helped make an awesome dinner. After the Zellers left, the Weier's spent the night and helped Mommy get ready for Santa. Thank God for Lynn's wrapping! She is the fastest wrapper I have ever met. The kids woke up around 6AM on Christmas morning and it was over by 6:10! All that hard work, OVER in ten minutes. It was worth it though to have all three of them say it was the best Christmas ever. Mission accomplished!

After that, we went next door to Jim and Christin's to exchange gifts with Brendan and baby Sean. Then we got ready to head to Lake Forest to Lynn and Dick's for Christmas with them and the Indiana Weiers who came up on Monday. On our way out of town, we stopped by Todd and Tammy's to say goodbye before they left for Des Moines where Tammy's parents live. It was also our farewell to Uncle Todd who has taken a new job in Colorado. He will head out to Ft. Collins from Des Moines while Tammy is staying here to sell their house and let Cade and Zoey finish school. I am so happy that Todd has finally found such a great opportunity. I just wish it was not so far away and so soon after losing Chris. I don't think it has fully sunk in yet because Tammy is still here with the kids. Please say a prayer for Todd and Tammy and that the house sells!

The kids and I also stopped by the cemetery. Daddy got his headstone for Christmas. As weird as that is to type, I have to say I am really pleased with how it looks and know in my heart that Chris is too.

And the best gift I received this Christmas came when I was at Lynn and Dick's house. I was going through all of the pictures that Dick has taken over the years and came across several of Chris and Hannah together! I was devastated to realize that I only had two pictures of just the two of them together. Chris was always the one taking the pictures in our family and so he is not in many of them with her since she was born. But Dick saved the day and has several that I was not aware of. Thank you so much Dick! I cannot possibly put into words how much I appreciate what you have done. Just to share some of my favorites.....

As always, thank you for checking in on us. Wishing all of you a very blessed new year! Take care, Betsy